


The Best Kind of Wonderful

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 13:10:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11464269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: A Workforce episode addition. A message from Jaffen changes the lives of the command team in the best possible way.





	The Best Kind of Wonderful

Chakotay paced the corridor outside the captain’s quarters. He was troubled. Deeply troubled. Worrying questions were gnawing at him. Had he done the right thing, or should he have left her on Quarra? Was she angry with him for bringing her home? And how was she going to recover from this?

He’d been so certain at the time, and now he was filled with doubts.

She’d been happy on Quarra. The happiest he’d seen her in years, and that thought was like a knife to his heart.

He hadn’t been the one to make her happy. It had been a virtual stranger. A man from an unknown planet, whom she’d known barely a week who had won her heart, and in doing so, had shattered his. That man was with her now.

Jaffen. Her Norvalian lover. He was in her quarters, saying goodbye. Or so Chakotay hoped.

He wasn’t sure what he would do if she asked Jaffen to stay and he accepted. A small but vocal part of his conscience was shouting at him to be a man. If she loved Jaffen then he had no right to stand in her way. He needed to be strong and accept her choice. He loved her enough to do that. He really did, and he would be happy for her. It didn’t mean however, that a part of his heart wouldn’t perish in the process. Taking a deep calming breath he tried to prepare himself for the worst, and with his head down he continued to pace

He and Ensign Gallagher had escorted Jaffen to her quarters from the transporter room about a half an hour ago. Gallagher had rung the chime and Chakotay had stayed well back allowing the Ensign to take the Norvalian the last few metres to her door.

He’d not wanted Kathryn to see him hovering in the corridor. She could read him so easily and he feared his reaction might colour her decision. If she wanted, or God forbid, needed Jaffen to stay, it had to be her decision and hers alone. He didn’t want her to be influenced by anything outside of her needs.

He’d spoken to Jaffen briefly on their walk from the transporter room, and could understand why Kathryn was drawn to the man. He was a very likable fellow. In looks, he was not unlike her ex-fiancé Mark, and it was obvious he was a man of integrity and honour, with sincere and deep feelings for Kathryn. Under different circumstances Chakotay could even imagine he and Jaffen becoming friends. They were not all that dissimilar in nature. He shook his head and gave a derisive snort. They couldn’t have been that much alike if she’d fallen in love with Jaffen in a matter of a week, when he’d loved and worked with her for almost seven years and failed to pierce her mantle of responsibility and obligation – onerous though it was.

As Chakotay paced he thought back over the last few months of their journey. There had been one traumatic event after another and it had taken its toll on all of them, especially the Captain.

Kathryn had taken months to recover from her assimilation. They’d saved most of the drones from Unimatrix Zero and dealt a crippling blow to the Collective, but in the process it was as if an intrinsic part of her had been lost. For weeks afterwards, her behaviour had been aloof and almost disconnected. She’d been plagued with back pain and because her cortical implant had only been partially removed, blinding headaches had been her constant companions. Multiple trips to sickbay and the Doctor’s persistent harping for her to rest hadn’t helped her demeanour. Chakotay had tried to be supportive and counsel her about the experience but she’d been withdrawn and uncommunicative. He’d watched, worried for her, as she persisted in coping alone and in silence.

Then, just as she appeared to be recovering, they’d been dealt another grievous setback with Teero Anaydis’s abortive attempt to resurrect the Maquis. Teero’s evil intent had turned friends and family against one another using a form of insidious mental manipulation. Under Teero’s influence, Chakotay had led a revolt and he and Kathryn hadn’t quite found their footing after that terrible ordeal. Desperate to mend the rift, he’d tried countless times to reassure her of his allegiance, but something had been broken in those few fateful hours, and it was a long way from being mended. Overcome with a renewed sense of guilt, Chakotay smacked his hand against the bulkhead outside her quarters. His anger at himself and the evil Vedic Teero was still so raw. It was an open wound that refused to heal.

Mutiny was such an ugly word and it was something that he’d never considered in all his years on Voyager. But his control had been taken from him, his mind and will subjugated by a malevolent fanatic 30,000 light years away.

He was haunted to this day by the look in her eyes as he commanded Tuvok to pull the trigger on the malfunctioning phaser. It tore at him. The guilt, at times, almost overwhelmed him. His gut clenched as the vivid memory assailed him. A light had gone out in Kathryn in that moment and he’d been the bitter wind that had extinguished the flame.

The entire horrifying incident in her ready room had been a test of loyalty for Tuvok. There had never been any intention of harming her. But she hadn’t known that, and although she was physically unharmed, he’d managed to kill something very precious in those few fateful seconds. He’d cleaved their bond with a mortal blow and he feared that it was damaged beyond repair. It broke his heart.

As penance, he’d been willing to live with the distance she’d dictated. But his experience of saving the ship with the Kathryn from the past, when Voyager had been shattered into different time frames, had reminded him how much he loved this bold and spirited woman. The Kathryn from seven years ago had roused all those feelings that he’d long ago put aside. He’d seen that unconstrained and vibrant Kathryn on Quarra and he’d rejoiced, not realising how much the years of being battered by disappointment and despair had jaded and wearied her. Kathryn Janeway was still the strongest person he knew and she would battle on regardless, but what worried him was the ennui and resignation in her manner these days. If having Jaffen as her life partner meant her survival, he would accept her choice. Her wellbeing and happiness were all important.

With that decision made, he turned just as the doors to her quarters opened. Jaffen walked out and with a sad nod he began to move down the corridor. Chakotay looked back into her quarters, and as the doors slid shut he caught a glimpse of her at the viewport, arms wrapped around herself with her head down, crying.

Damn! He quickly caught up to Jaffen and asked quietly. “Is she alright?”

Jaffen stopped, turned and blinked slowly, taking a long hard look at Chakotay. “No, but she will be.” He looked around and then back at Chakotay. “Is there somewhere we can go and talk?”

Chakotay nodded as he looked with a puzzled frown at the other man. “Yeah, sure. My quarters are just around the corner.”

Jaffen gave a nod and they walked in silence to Chakotay’s door. Once inside, Chakotay offered his guest a drink which he declined, then indicated the chair for Jaffen to sit, as he took a seat on the couch opposite.

Chakotay waited for the man in front of him to start speaking. He assumed from Jaffen’s subdued manner that he wasn’t staying on board, but he had no idea what he wanted to speak to him about.

Jaffen finally looked him in the eye and his words completely floored him. “She loves you.”

Chakotay sat there dumbfounded.

With a bitter smile Jaffen gave a half hearted laugh. “I knew there had to be someone. I’d hoped not, but I mean, look at her, why wouldn’t there be.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I knew it was you the moment I saw you.”

Chakotay was shaking his head slowly. “I….um. No. She doesn’t. I’d know if she did.”

His companion smiled knowingly. “This Kathryn, the Captain.” He inclined his head towards her quarters. “She’s guarded, aloof, controlled. But the Kathryn on Quarra…….” Jaffen, with a grim smile, shook his head sadly. “There’s no doubt. I was a fool to think otherwise.”

Now that was something with which Chakotay could empathise – feeling a fool around Kathryn Janeway. He’d spent years perfecting the art. “Well, you’re not alone there, my friend. It took me less than a day to fall. You’re in good company.”

Jaffen chuckled at that. Chakotay was warming to this fellow and chuckled along with him. It was a ridiculous situation. Here they were, two grown men, both in love with the same woman and neither of them knew what to do about it.

Jaffen’s smile faded and he looked at the man opposite. “But, it’s definitely you she loves. I was merely a convenient substitute.”

Frowning, Chakotay asked again. “How do you know?” His eyes darted hopefully towards their shared wall. “Did she say something?”

Jaffen shook his head. “No, she didn’t have to. As soon as I saw you, I knew.” He shuffled himself back more comfortably into his seat and fixed Chakotay with a steady gaze. “Didn’t it strike you as unusual that someone with all their memories erased and no idea of who you were, would still instinctively trust you? From what I heard, B’Elanna was terrified of you, and she’s known you for much longer. After Kathryn found you in her apartment that night, I had a difficult time convincing her to call the authorities. She was convinced we should help you.” He shrugged at Chakotay’s frown. “There’s an old Norvalian saying. ‘The eyes may see, but the heart knows’ She knew, because her heart knew. She loves and trusts you, and nothing could erase that.”

Chakotay’s heart leapt. He hadn’t really thought about it like that. But what Jaffen said was true. Even with all her memories of him gone, there was still that connection, that bond. She’d felt it, he was sure. He certainly had.

Jaffen continued. “There were other things, and I hadn’t put them all together until I saw you in the transporter room.” He shrugged. “There always seemed to be a part of her that I couldn’t reach. Sometimes I would catch her looking at me as if she wasn’t sure who I was, or she would look up at me and for a split second she would look confused as if she expected to see someone else. She always laughed it off, but now I understand what it was. She was looking for you.” Chakotay’s heart pounded in his chest at these revelations.

Jaffen continued by running his fingers over his left brow. “She also used to touch me here. I thought it was just a caress, and I suppose it was, but it wasn’t for me.” His eyes met Chakotay’s. “It was meant for you.”

Chakotay’s hand moved to his tattoo and then he lowered his head, his hand dropping into his lap as he tried to absorb the impact of Jaffen’s words. Could it be true? Did she love him? Could she still care, even after all they’d been through? After all he’d done?

Jaffen stood and extended his hand. Chakotay clasped the other man’s hand and rose as well.

“Chakotay, I leave her in your care.” Jaffen looked over towards the shared wall. “Look after her.” He took a breath and looked back at Chakotay. “I know you will. You’ve loved and watched over her for all these years and although it breaks my heart, she’s where she belongs. Here, on Voyager, with you.” He took a deep breath and let go of Chakotay’s hand. “Well, I’d better be going. I’ve a new job starting today.”

“I’ll walk you to the transporter room.” Both men moved towards the door, but Chakotay stopped just before they triggered the doors and turned to his companion. “Jaffen, thank you for being there for her on Quarra and rest assured that I’ll protect and care for her. And although she doesn’t know it, I do love her.” He shrugged. “I always have.”

Jaffen nodded and gave Chakotay a sad smile. “It’s hard not to.”

They walked out the door together.

Their trip in the turbo lift and through the corridors was a silent one and before long they were standing outside the doors to the transporter room. Jaffen turned and gripped Chakotay’s arm, holding him in place. “Chakotay, tell her. Tell her how you feel. She needs to know. Now more than ever.” He shook his head slightly in frustration. “She’s a passionate woman and this solitary life is killing her. I can see it in her already. The change from Kathryn to Captain is worrying. She needs you. Go to her and tell her. For both your sake’s.”

Chakotay stood for a moment as Jaffen stepped forward and triggered the doors. Chakotay followed him, a worried frown on his face. Jaffen took his place on the pad and turned once more to Chakotay. “Tell her.” Then the beam took him away.

After Jaffen’s form dissolved in the column of shimmering blue, Chakotay stood and stared at the vacant space for a long moment. The Norvalian had given him much to think about, but he was unsure. As always the ship and the crew’s needs took priority. There was so much hurt and anger to contend with amongst the crew, not to mention the practicalities of getting the ship in running order and everyone back to their posts. He would just have to wait until the time was right to approach her.

Remembering where he was, he turned to the Ensign at the transporter console and nodded. He stepped out into the corridor, his mind filled with troubling thoughts.

They’d been in orbit around Quarra for a week, while the doctor repatriated the crew. It had been a slow process. Each crewmember had to be led through their past lives to a point where the memories began to fall into place. It had been traumatic for some, and unsettling for all. Relationships and bonds had been tested. His heart ached for little Naomi having to go through the trauma of being separated, first from her mother, then taken into a family where she thought she belonged, only to be torn away from them. There was much healing to be done.

Jaffen’s words were echoing in his head as he made his way back to the bridge. He was unsure as to what to do. He would love to do as Jaffen suggested, but could he risk the fallout? What would happen if Jaffen was wrong? At the very least it would undermine the command structure but it also had the potential to destroy what little was left of his and Kathryn’s fragile friendship, and he wasn’t willing to risk that. But then again, what if it was true? Could he risk letting her continue on in this worrying spiral of disillusionment and malaise. He’d promised all those years ago to stay by her side and to share her burdens. Would his declaration add to those burdens or would it be welcomed? He honestly didn’t know. And now he was caught in this maelstrom of indecision and yearning. Jaffen’s words had buoyed his heart and given hope reign, but should he share these revelations with her and risk the status quo? Perhaps he had to….. for her sake as well as his own. He would watch her carefully and then decide.

* * *

They maintained their orbit around Quarra for another two days as the crew were called to give evidence to the Quarran authorities. Dr Kaden, the mastermind behind this sinister scheme, and his cohorts would never see the light of day again. Chakotay’s memories had been affected minimally. He’d only been in the engramatic resequencer for a short time, but the disorientation had been disconcerting. He felt for those of the crew who’d had their memories totally erased. Regaining those memories had been like trying to fight one’s way out of a thick dark fog.

The Quarran government, as a form of compensation, had assigned a corps of engineers to assist B’Elanna in repairing the ship, and Voyager was now running at peak efficiency. Their stores and cargo bays were filled to capacity and the crew were now all rehabilitated and back at their posts. Everything was in order and it was time to leave. He hadn’t seen Kathryn over the last two days. She’d been keeping to herself – quietly and solitarily coming to terms with her experience. He’d been sorely tempted to go and see her, to try and help, but he’d kept his distance. Their relationship was on such shaky ground at the moment, that he wasn’t sure where he stood with her. His greatest concern was that she was angry with him for taking her away from Jaffen and that he’d put another fracture in their already fragile relationship.

They were planning on leaving shortly and were awaiting her arrival on the bridge to give the order to break orbit. The senior officers were all at their stations, the warp core was on line and everyone was keen to leave. Chakotay heard the lift doors open and Harry called from his station. “Captain on the bridge.” They all stood to attention and watched as she slowly moved out of the lift. She hesitated for a moment on the upper level and looked around tentatively. Taking stock, she then made her way down the stairs to her command chair. She held Chakotay’s gaze as she walked determinedly across the bridge. As she moved she seemed to grow in stature, taking strength from his look. She took her seat and turned her attention to the forward viewscreen.

He watched her intently. There was a tension about her that he found disconcerting, but her posture and face were impassive.

Breaking the silence he asked quietly. “Are you ready to go?”

She kept her eyes glued to the image of the planet on the viewscreen and her face fell into a sad look of longing. “It may not have been real, Chakotay, but it felt like home. If you hadn’t come after me, I never would have known that I had another life.”

His heart stilled in his chest, but he was compelled to ask. “Are you sorry I showed up?” Holding his breath, he waited for an answer to his question, an answer that had the potential to break his heart.

She turned her head towards him slowly, her eyes drilling into his and said with deep conviction. “Not for a second.” Giving him a small smile, her eyes lit up again and she settled herself back into her seat. In a voice that was filled with determination and enthusiasm she said, “Resume course, Mr Paris.” And in that instant she seemed to come back into herself, as if her real self had re-established its foothold. Kathryn Janeway was back and she seemed to almost glow. The relief that Chakotay felt was deep and heartfelt. He hadn’t done the wrong thing. She was happy to be home.

A relieved smile graced his features, he was so pleased. He could feel her looking at him out the corner of her eye and slowly her hand crept across the gap between their chairs and lay over his. His heart almost stopped…… and then he felt it. That thing – that energy that had always been there between them. It was the first time he’d felt it in a long while.

A vibrancy and sort of sizzle hovered in the air between them. You could almost see it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His heart began to beat again. That wondrous feeling of awareness was back. Their connectedness – their bond – wasn’t broken. It was still strong and alive and the very thought brought tears to his eyes. He truly cherished this woman. She was the heart and soul of this ship and in turn, of him. As her hand gave his a gentle squeeze he warred with his feelings. Was Jaffen right? Should he tell her how he felt? Would she welcome his love or would she reject it? Perhaps it was time that she knew of his feelings. Not in the guise of an ambiguous legend, but in decisive words stating his profound love and devotion.

He’d stood back for all these years and maybe just being there wasn’t going to be enough anymore. They still had thirty years of travel ahead of them before they reached the Alpha Quadrant and it was not sound or healthy for her to maintain her solitary lifestyle for all that time. And truth be told, neither was it for him. It was time to blast Starfleet regulations and those damned protocols right out an airlock. His heart was so full that he had to consciously restrain himself from leaping from his chair and hauling her into his arms. He hadn’t realised until this moment how truly fearful he’d been of her desire to stay on Quarra. He turned his hand over and held hers for a few brief seconds, revelling in this moment of togetherness. They’d done this once before. When she’d left Voyager to be assimilated by the Borg, she’d reached across and they’d clasped hands. One last moment of solidarity before she’d left, possibly never to return. His heart had gone with her that day and it felt like it had only just returned. It felt overly large for his chest and he took a deep breath as he squeezed her hand firmly. He made a decision. She’d owned his heart for years and it was now time to give it to her openly for safekeeping.

He turned to speak to her, but she was already leaning towards him and whispered quietly. “Chakotay, will you have dinner with me tonight? We have some celebrating to do. My quarters. 19:00?”

He smiled and nodded. Unsure of his voice, he muttered. “19:00.” Their hands pulled apart and they both settled back into their seats looking ahead at the field of stars and the road home. A sense of peace descended over the bridge of the starship Voyager.

* * *

Kathryn checked the chronometer again. 18:42. Time seemed to have slowed, she was certain of it. It was an age ago that she’d checked her chronometer and only three minutes had passed. He was due here soon. The food was prepared, music was playing quietly in the background and the candles were lit. She was dressed casually in a brown shift and no shoes. There was no place tonight for extraneous adornments. It was well past the time for those complications. Tonight she just wanted to be Kathryn. Her time on Quarra had given her a chance to reconnect with that part of herself. She’d almost been lost. The juxtaposition was laughable. She’d had to lose her memory to remember who she really was, and she had Jaffen to thank for that. He’d nurtured and encouraged her to let go, to relax and enjoy life. To live in the present.

Someone else had tried to teach her that many years ago, but she hadn’t heeded his words and had suffered as a consequence, almost losing sight of the real Kathryn. The constant responsibility and worry of caring for her crew and ship had stifled that part of her. Time and circumstance had made her all hard edges and brittle corners. It had been a natural progression. She’d worn her responsibility like armour. It protected her from the bad and bitter experiences of life, but it also deflected all the good and finer things, and she’d come to realise that no one can live like that consistently and survive.

Wandering over to her computer she pushed the play button. Jaffen’s face appeared. He smiled. _“Hello Kathryn. This is my final farewell, but I want you to listen carefully to what I have to say…..”_ She hit the pause button and contemplated his dear face. She was so grateful to him. He’d changed her life and she would always be indebted to him. How do you repay someone for giving you back your life, for opening your eyes to the possibilities and for showing you the path to your own happiness? He was a good man, the best, and he’d given her a precious gift. Herself – and with that, a new path to follow.

She walked slowly over to the viewport and looked out at the passing stars. They’d been her touchstones, the beacons of light that had led her onwards over the last almost seven years, but they were cold and soulless and it was now time to turn to something else, or rather someone. Chakotay. His face drifted past her mind’s eye. His gentle caring dark eyes would be her touchstones from this point on.

Kathryn checked the chronometer again. 18:58. Any moment now.

The chime sounded and she took a deep breath. “Come.”

The doors slid open and Chakotay stepped hesitantly into the room. “Good evening, Kathryn.” She looked beautiful. Carefree and happy. It did his heart good to see her like this. All his fears evaporated and he walked towards her, and leaning over he kissed her cheek. “Welcome home.”

She smiled warmly and took the bottle of wine he had in his hand.

“Thank you. It’s good to be back.” She waved the bottle at him. “Would you like a glass of this now?”

He nodded. He was going to need it. “Yes, please.”

She pushed the bottle back into his hands. “Here then, you open it and I’ll get the glasses.” She moved over to the cabinet. “Chakotay.” He turned towards her as she tossed the bottle opener to him. He snatched it out of the air and grinned at her. All these small things reaffirmed his delight at having her back. The familiarities warmed his heart and reminded him of why their relationship had always been so close and caring. They were a team and a damn good one. He pulled the cork from the bottle with a flourish and Kathryn held the glasses for him to fill. After pouring a generous amount into each glass, he placed the bottle on the coffee table and they stood in front of one another, smiling.

Kathryn touched her glass to Chakotay’s. “To coming home.”

He couldn’t take his eyes off her. There was something different about her, but he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was. But whatever it was, it delighted him. He raised his glass slightly. “To having you home. I missed you.”

They sipped their wine, their eyes holding each other’s gazes over the rims of their wine glasses. She blinked slowly and frowned. “I think I missed you too. I know I missed something, but it is all starting to fade. Much like a dream.” She turned and sat down, resting her wine glass on the back of the couch and looked out the viewport. “Some things though, are very vivid.” He sat down at the other end of the couch as she continued. “I remember enjoying my work. Loving it, in fact. I can’t believe that now. How could I have ever been content just monitoring reactor coils?” She chuckled. “The mind boggles, doesn’t it?”

He answered with a quiet laugh then placed his arm along the back of the couch, their hands not quite touching. “You seemed very happy there.”

Kathryn cocked her head to the side. “You said that to me while I was mending your shoulder in my apartment.” She gave him a gentle smile. “Yes I was, but that wasn’t really me. Or at least it was only a very small part of me. It was a very strange and disturbing experience, although it did have its up side.”

Chakotay smiled but his eyes were sad. His thoughts were of Jaffen.

She could tell what he was thinking and he couldn’t have been further from the truth. “No, it’s not what you’re thinking, although I was very fond of Jaffen. Mostly it was just a relief to be a normal person without a care in the world. I hadn’t realised how much the constant pressure and stress had changed me. I’m a very different person these days to the one I was seven years ago. I’ve forgotten so much of myself.” She plucked at the fabric of the couch. “It’s good to remember how I was.” She lifted her eyes to his. “How we were.”

Their eyes met and he could feel the joy starting to swell within him. She was being so open and honest, it was wonderful. “We’re good together, and I’m so glad you’re back.”

“Yes, we are good together. We make a great team and I think that was what I knew I was missing. Even though I was with Jaffen there was this void inside me that he couldn’t fill. I was content, but you know me, Chakotay. Just being content would never be enough for me in the long term. You know how I thrive on challenge and stimulation. Eventually I would have become restless and unfulfilled.”

“I imagine you would have finished up running that power plant. You’re a born leader, Kathryn. It’s something so intrinsic to your nature, that they couldn’t erase it. That, and your vitality and charisma. I could still see that part of you in your eyes.”

Chakotay watched as she ran an index finger up and down the stem of her glass. She smiled. “Thank you.” She looked out the viewport. “I remember the strangest things. I remember knowing that you wouldn’t hurt me when I found you in my apartment. And I also remember your eyes just after you removed your disguise.” She looked back at him. “I was mesmerised by them. It was as if they could see right into my soul. I remember thinking at the time that I should be frightened, but I wasn’t. Almost the opposite. I was very drawn to you.” She turned and looked out the viewport again, and spoke quietly. “I always have been.”

Chakotay opened his mouth to say something but the replicator chimed and Kathryn jumped up from her seat. “Dinner’s ready.”

He shook his head and smiled resignedly. If he didn’t know better, he would swear that there was some sort of cosmic conspiracy. Every time they got within a hair’s breadth of revealing their feelings something or someone interrupted. He’d had enough. This had been a close call and there had been more than enough of them over the years. One day he might not get her back, and with that thought spurring him on, he jumped up and followed her. His intention had been to grab her and hold her and tell her how much he loved her, but as he passed her desk he glanced at her computer terminal. There, frozen in a smile, was the handsome face of Jaffen. His heart withered. He’d been a fool. She was speaking to him only as a friend. When would he ever learn? Could he be more stupid? He didn’t think so. Deflated, he made his way to the table as she brought a steaming dish of something to the table.

“Risotto, with brie and zucchini flowers. I thought I’d experiment.” She grinned at him, and then raised her eyebrows.

“Sounds delicious.”

“What? No cutting barbs about prophylactic anti-emetics or checking with Engineering to make sure the Doctor is on line. I’m disappointed.” She was enjoying teasing him, but he wasn’t biting. He looked troubled and sad. Perhaps she’d misread the signals and he didn’t feel as she did and was uncomfortable and worried about hurting her feelings.

They ate in silence. The meal was delicious but he appeared preoccupied. She was watching him carefully as he ate and noticed his eyes flicking to something behind her every so often. Eventually she turned, saw what he was looking at and realised the problem. She smiled to herself. He was jealous. Part of her wanted to soothe him and reassure him, and she would do that in a moment. But another part of her was thrilled with the idea that just the thought of someone else holding sway with her heart, had made him this miserable.

Kathryn finished her meal and dabbed her napkin to her lips then tossed it on the table. Chakotay followed suit and folding his napkin, placed it alongside his unfinished dinner. He’d lost his appetite. She sat and stared at him for a long moment. It was time. She got up and moved around to his side of the table. He watched her move and as she came to his side, she held out her hand. “Do you trust me, Chakotay?”

“Always.” She smiled broadly and happily. That word had been like a code to them over the years. It had signified their bond and their loyalty to one another and for Chakotay, it had been his way of telling her of his love without ever saying the words. Tonight it held the same meaning but with a deep vein of regret and resignation.

“I want to show you something. I could try to explain it, but I think Jaffen says it better than I ever could.”

He took her hand and as they made their way to the couch, she picked up her computer terminal and carried it with her, placing it on the coffee table in front of them. She kept hold of his hand, resting them both on his knee. “Computer begin playback at time index one point four. Jaffen’s face filled the screen.

_“Hello Kathryn._ He paused and gave a gentle smile. _“This is my final farewell, but I want you to listen carefully to what I have to say…. I love you and I always will, but I know that you don’t love me.”_ He held up his hand and shook his head slightly. _“Now don’t try to deny it. The Kathryn who was here on Quarra did, I know that. But the real Kathryn… you… loves someone else and has done for a very long time. I spoke to that man today. He loves you too. In fact, he loves you so much, that he was willing to welcome me to Voyager and accept me as your partner, if it made you happy. That’s true love, Kathryn. It’s a love that you only find once in a lifetime. It’s the love I feel for you and that’s why I’m imploring you to tell Chakotay how you feel and let him into your life. You are strong, capable, fierce and passionate, but everyone needs someone and you need him. And I’ve no doubt that he needs you. Love each other, be there for one another. It really is the only important thing in life. You’ll get your crew home regardless, but I want Kathryn to get home too. Your home, Kathryn, is there beside you. Go to him, Kathryn. Go home to Chakotay and let him love you. I send you on your journey with all my love. Be happy.”_

Jaffen touched his fingers to his lips and touched the screen and then his face faded to black.

Kathryn had been watching Chakotay’s face as Jaffen spoke. His eyes had widened and then the tension had slowly ebbed from his temples and jaw. A gentle smile now played around his mouth. His hand squeezed hers and when the message finished, he turned towards her. They sat looking at one another for a few long moments as a different kind of tension filled the air. His eyes searched hers and she smiled.

Sliding his hand up her arm to her shoulder, he ran it under her hair and then brought it around to cup her cheek. “I love you, Kathryn.”

She smiled at him, her eyes twinkling. “So I hear.” Leaning forward, she kissed him sweetly on the lips. “I love you too. It’s so very good to be home.”

He leant forward and kissed her again, his lips lingering a little longer, his tongue darting out to taste her.

A bolt of arousal shot through her and she felt her body falling towards him. His arms wrapped around her and held her flush against him. He whispered in her ear. “I’m so sorry for everything. I’ve never stopped loving you. I could never stop loving you.”

She pulled away from him a little and frowned. “What are you sorry for?”

“Everything that’s happened over the last few months. I was ready to give up.” He closed his eyes for a moment and then shook his head slowly and opened them to look at her. “After all this time I was giving up. I was tired and I was afraid. After Unimatrix Zero, you were in so much pain and there was nothing I could do. I didn’t know how to help you. And then came Teero and what I did. I couldn’t forgive myself and I didn’t think you could either. I understood. What I did was so truly awful that I thought I’d destroyed everything. I’m so sorry.” He was almost in tears. The release of tension and his relief had left him emotionally exposed.

Kathryn lifted herself up slightly and slid on to his lap. He draped his arm around her as she snuggled in, tucking her head up on to his shoulder. “I never blamed you for any of that. It was me, not you. After my assimilation, I was in so much pain that I could barely concentrate, and I had the Doctor nagging at me most of the time. I was just so grateful that you were there, taking up the slack. I never thanked you for that. I couldn’t have got through it without you.” She kissed his cheek. “And Teero? How can I convince you that I know it wasn’t you? Tuvok tried to shoot me. If he couldn’t withstand the mental manipulation, how the hell could you? I’ve never held that against you.” She ran her fingers down his cheek. “I realised that you were drifting away, but I didn’t think I had the right to hold you to a promise that had been made so many years ago. I would have understood if you’d decided to move on. I was preparing myself for that eventuality.” She lifted her hand and stroked his cheek again. “Not that I wouldn’t have been heart broken, but the way things were going it seemed inevitable. It’s rather strange, don’t you think, that I had to fall in love with someone else to find my way back to you.”

He stiffened at the mention of her being in love with Jaffen. She felt it and waited for the inevitable question.

He sighed. “You did love him, didn’t you?”

She nodded her head. “Yes. The Kathryn from Quarra loved him.”

“Do you still love him?”

“No, but I’ll always be grateful to him and hold a special place for him in my heart. He gave me back, me. Which in turn brought me to you… and I could never love anyone as much as I love you. It’s just not possible.” She pulled herself up a little and looked at him. “You are my heart and soul, Chakotay. I’ve loved you for years and will love you forever.” She dropped her head back onto his shoulder and kissed his neck as her other hand stroked over his shoulder and up into his hair.

He was so filled with love for this woman that he thought he would burst. He tugged her close, and wrapped his arms around her. He didn’t ever want to let her go.

His feelings were so intense… the love and relief raged within him and he could feel himself begin to tremble. Kathryn could feel it too and she began to stroke and caress him in an attempt to soothe his ragged emotions. Swinging her leg around, she straddled his lap, and her soothing caresses became a slow and intense exploration. She ran her fingers through his hair, marvelling at the softness and thickness of it, noting the strands of grey at the temples. No doubt she was responsible for many of them. She then traced around his ear and down along his jaw. His chin was rough with the day’s growth of beard, and she scraped her fingernails along the stubble, then rubbed her cheek against his, feeling the slight scratch that sent a tingle through her. She took deep breaths, filling her lungs with him and closed her eyes, giving a contented sigh as she let his familiar scent wash over and through her. It was a mixture of his aftershave, a spiciness that was his alone and the muskiness of his arousal. The combination was overpowering and shot jolts of electricity through her abdomen and down to her groin.

She kissed his cheek, lazily dragging her tongue over the roughness and then pulling back slowly, she continued her exploration. Sliding her finger into her mouth she moistened her fingertip and traced the dark lines of his tattoo across his forehead and into his hairline. Her finger stroked down his nose and then outlined his lips.

Chakotay had been watching her intently, and each time she’d dipped her finger into her mouth a bolt of arousal had shot through him. Her slow and steady study had aroused him to a fever pitch and as she dropped her hand to his neck and her eyes met his, she wriggled forward and ground against him.

Her eyes sparked with want and she smiled at the answering glint of desire in his eyes. His hands crept around her waist and held her to him. They were barely moving, just rocking very gently against one another in a slow steady rhythm. Their faces were close, though not touching, but they breathed each others breaths and their eyes were locked in a communion that united their very souls.

No words were necessary. Everything that needed to be said was clearly visible in their eyes. Chakotay could feel the exquisite tension build and build. They were lost in the slow rhythm of their arousal and he watched in awe as Kathryn’s pupils dilated, her movements became erratic and she suddenly stilled. A groan dragged itself from deep within her and he could feel the pulses and throbs of her body as she climaxed. She fingers grasped his shoulders in a steely grip. The pain from her fingernails and the heat from where her body ground against his was too much. He surged forward and with his eyes locked with hers, he came. There were no rapturous yells, no shouted adulations, just a series of restrained gentle thrusts that rocked him against her until he was spent.

When Kathryn felt the tension leave him, she fell forward on to his mouth and kissed him deeply, a slow open mouthed kiss, where their tongues lazily grazed against each others until their mouths slid away and they fell into a warm embrace.

They held each other gently. Her face was tucked into his neck, his cheek resting against her hair. He began to make a low humming noise and he could feel her smile against him. He spoke quietly, not wanting to spoil the mood. “Kathryn.”

She didn’t move. “Hmmm?”

“I love you.”

He felt her kiss his neck and her voice was muffled when she spoke. “I love you too. Isn’t it wonderful?”

His face broke into a beaming smile and he nodded. “The very best kind of wonderful.”

It was many hours later, after a night of exquisite love making, that Chakotay lay in the quiet star lit twilight of her bedroom. His lover, his love, Kathryn, was tucked up securely against his side fast asleep. He turned his head and looked out at the passing stars and sent a silent message of thanks to Jaffen, the man who had been the catalyst for the realisation of his dreams. Jaffen’s sacrifice had been a brave and courageous act and Chakotay called upon the spirits of his ancestors to watch over this kindred spirit who had relinquished this most precious gift to his safekeeping. He turned to look at her in the silver glow of the starlight. Her face was delicate and graceful in repose, her lips slightly open as she breathed soft wafts across his chest. His heart filled with love for this strong and passionate woman, and dipping his head, he kissed her forehead and tugged her close. He closed his eyes and as sleep carried him on gentle wings, he rejoiced in the wonder of it all.

- _fin_ -


End file.
